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How To Manifest Confidence

Can I ask you a question? Can I ask you 8 of em? This may be a little weird but…

Raise your physical hand if:

  • You avoid the mirror or have a tough time liking who stares back at you?
  • You have a hard time identifying praiseworthy skills in yourself?
  • You find it difficult to stand up to peer pressure?
  • valid criticism cripples you?
  • You can’t handle unfair remarks others make about you?
  • You feel unseen, unvalidated?
  • You are so busy putting others first you have zero energy to take care or your own health?
  • You Find it tough to be happy for others when they succeed?

If you answered yes to several or all of these questions, chances are you suffer from low self-esteem. Before you roll your eyes and say thank you captain obvious… let’s take a moment to unpack what this means:

  1. It means that you are human and we all feel inadequate at times
  2. You are not alone, I answered yes to all of these a couple of months back
  3. When we lack something, we can always boost what we lack but how?

Glad you asked friend.

I’m no doctor, but in my personal journey through the much of low self-esteem, I learned that there are reinforces to keep us in a lack of self-esteem and there are also things that we can do to boost our confidence.

3 Reinforcers:

  1. Comparisons: Have you been culprit of scrolling the gram and sinking further and further into your seat because someone else’s business in your industry of expertise seems to be doing better than you? Or maybe you’re a mom and see a peer you love going live and their house seems spotless and you look at your piles of laundry and can’t distinguish what has been washed and what is dirty? If you are brave enough to admit that you’ve compared yourself to someone I’m clapping you up boo. Not cause it’s healthy but cause your honest. Comparisons rob joy and can sometimes not only make you hate on the person that makes you feel low, but you start creating a what I call the negative mixtape

2. Negative Mixtape:What’s the negative mixtape you ask? Good question. The negative mixtape is a list of reoccurring self-sabotaging thoughts that you yourself write in permanent ink into your subconscious.

Let me break it down for you real quick.

WARNING: this may get a little scientify….

Our mind houses the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious is the part of the mind that has the ability to absorb and reject information. The problem is that we usually leave the conscious on the sponge absorption mode instead of switching it back and forth as needed.

The subconscious is directly attached to the emotions. It cannot distinguish between real and imaginary. Ever had a dream that your man was cheating on you, and when you woke up you were still angry at him even though it was imaginary? Yea. That’s the subconscious at work. Even though it didn’t happen the feelings and hurt of betrayal were still very real.

What’s the point? The negative mixtape when filtered from the conscious to the subconscious makes a tattoo of your self-limiting beliefs in your mind. So even if you are super successful (whatever that definition means to you) when you achieved all that you wanted to achieve, you still feel a lack. Or maybe you were trying to lose weight and when you finally realized your optimal weight goal, you found the pounds you lost and then some.

You know why? Yes. The negative mixtape you have on repeat, your self-limiting thoughts are still very present in our mind. It’s not until you take that mixtape out and burn it to allow the cassette player that is your mind to bump to a more positive and uplifting beat that you can boost your self-confidence.

Put a pin on this thought cause we will dive a little deeper into it a little later.

3.Self-Doubt: If you are blasting the negative mixtape on repeat, chances are you may suffer from self-doubt. Just in case you don’t know what that looks like: It feels a little something like this:

  • Taking way too long to make a decision
  • Over researching that gets you more confused
  • Paralysis by analysis
  • Imposter Syndrome starts kicking in

If this sounds like you, chances are you doubt yourself. If you have one or 3 of these points, don’t get bummed out. It’s good that you recognize it. But now it’s time to change it. How? Let me introduce you to the 4 self-esteem boosters.

3 Boosters:

  1. Self-Asses:

Dedicate a journal to your self-esteem journey… in the first pages make a list of positive and negative aspects of your character

Try to set 5 minutes aside every day for the next 30 days to write down your feelings. The positive and negative ones and see if you can find what triggers these emotions. Finding the triggers can help you be proactive about the negative emotions. It can also help you incorperate more triggers to include more of the positive emotions in your life.

2.Acknowledge the Positive & Rephrase the Negatives:

We are all born with gifts, positive attributes in our character that may not seem anything special to us, but it is to those that don’t posses it. Not everyone has a great singing voice, but if you do, that’s a quality you can view as a positive. Are you creative? Do you have amazing organizing skills? Do new concepts come to you with ease while others are still scratching their head to figure it out? I encourage you to dedicate a journal to your self-esteem journey and on the first page make a list of the positive and negative aspects of your character.

 If you need help lucky for you I wrote a blog that includes a free printable that helps you sift through your positive and negative qualities so check this article out by >>CLICKING HERE<< when you finish reading this post.

  Now that you have your list. Look at the negative list and see if you can rephrase your negative thoughts or weaknesses into more positive statements. Here is what this looks like:

EXAMPLES:

  1. I’m horrible at math. My mind just doesn’t work that way | Math is a challenge, but I’m up for it
  2. I’m terrible with directions | I like taking the scenic route or I love to work on my navigation skills
  3. I’m not a morning person | I appreciate a good night’s sleep OR I’ve noticed my biorhythms peek at night, but early mornings give me the time I need to work on ____ (fill in the blank)
  • Take small steps to prove the new narrative true to yourself: What do I mean by this? James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, says it best:

“Your identity emerges out of your habits. You are not born with preset beliefs. Every belief, including those about yourself, is learned and conditioned through experience.

More precisely, your habits are how you embody your identity. When you make your bed each day, you embody the identity of an organized person. When you write each day, you embody the identity of a creative person. When you train each day, you embody the identity of an athletic person.

The more you repeat a behavior, the more you reinforce the identity associated with that behavior. In face, the word identity was originally derived from the Latin words essentitas, which means being, and identidem, which means repeatedly. Your identity is literally your “repeated beingness. Whatever your identity is right now, you only believe it because you have proof of it.”

 (pg 36-37 James Clear Atomic Habits, How Your Habits Shape Your Identity (and Vice Versa))

HERE IS THE 2 STEP FORMULA JAMES CLEAR GIVES US IN HIS BOOK

  1. Decide the type of person you want to be 

What do you want to stand for? What are your principles and values? Who do you wish to become

2.Prove it to yourself with small wins

3.Faith:

FAITH IS THE ASSURED EXPECTATION OF WHAT IS HOPED FOR, THE EVIDENT DEMONSTRATIONS OF REALITIES THAT ARE NOT SEEN. (Hebrews 11:1)

FAITH ANCHORS US WHEN FEAR TRIES TO ROB US OF OUR PEACE.

DOES YOUR FAITH GROUND YOU?

DOES YOUR FAITH GIVE YOU A REAL HOPE FOR A BETTER TOMMOROW?

DOES YOUR FAITH HELP YOU ENDURE?

DOES YOUR FAITH HELP YOU HAVE FAITH IN YOURSELF?

Whatever path of spirituality you choose, make sure that you feed your faith. Make sure that you continue to prove your faith true.

Like an anchor, it’s only useful if the chains don’t rust.

How are you fortifying your chains?

There are ebbs and flows to this journey to boost our confidence but it’s a journey worth taking. If you are on this journey, what has helped you? Can you share what motivated you to stop fighting for your limitations in the comments below?

HOMEWORK: Fun fact, I used to be a teacher. And I don’t like giving you busy work, I want to give you an assignment because I want you to apply what you learn. What’s the sense of getting all the way to the end of this super long blog post or a book if you don’t take that information and do something with it right?

Click the work >>HOMEWORK<< to gain access to a PDF with 2 exercises that helped me in my very own self-confidence journey. When you do the exercise, I would love for you to DM me on IG to see how you’ve benefited.

Cheering you on boo.

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