A Blog about Photography, Business, & Life

writing in the margins

A Peek into my Journal … (Personal Entry Turned Blog Post)

It’s 5:00pm on October 3, 2020. Steph (the husband) is shooting pictures of me as I write. We are at The Egg—for those that aren’t locals—it’s a theater near capitol buildings and state museum in Albany, NY (they call it an egg because of its shape … but it looks more like the bottoms of a grandpa’s belly to me). I’m rocking my entrepreneur shirt that I got from Etsy. I LOVE this shirt! Curls are blowing in the wind.  I’m trying to be on my best behavior. You see, I hate being in front of the camera.

It’s super intimidating and triggers all sorts of insecurities. But I’m trying to stay positive. Checking off images in my mental checklist, telling Steph how to position himself for the shoot I envision in my head, modeling for the shot, and just focusing on this perfect fall day to fight off insecurities.

I was recently on a shoot with Audrey Sopata. She is a body positive influencer. Audrey also happens to be a good friend — we’ve known each other since 7th grade! Audrey and I went to several locations for her photoshoot — hiking through woods and walking through local parks. I couldn’t help but admire how comfortable she was in her own skin — she changed from outfit to outfit and posed like the boss she is as people walked by. Her confidence literally gave me chills. This shoot with Audrey inspired me to get out of my comfort zone and step in front of the lens, not just stay behind it.

Audrey Sopata–body positive influencer glowing in confidence.

So, I’m letting go, even if for a moment, I’m allowing myself to be me, to forget that there are passersby staring, to ignore the inner insecurities that shake the bars of the cage I trapped them in today, and just enjoy the moment.

This is me at 31, grey strands of hair twisted in my natural curls. Extra weight that I’ve put on over the years — no I can’t blame COVID for my jeans fitting extra snug.

Why am I telling you this? I want to share something my mom has told me for years but am just now applying. You have to love yourself. And not just your inner beauty but love your exterior as well. Instead of spending your energies on all the things you wish your body was or looked like — just be grateful for what you have! Enjoy the you right now. Don’t postpone happiness. LOVE YOURSELF TODAY!

This experience gave me an opportunity to be brave. I’ve learned that courage doesn’t mean lack of fear. It’s actually the action we take despite being afraid. So, what do you say friend? Will you be brave and get in front of my camera?

Stop playing the insecurities-mixtape you have on repeat and dare to love who you are right now imperfections and all. I challenge you to document the you that you are right now. Post it on social and tag me. Or better yet, print a current picture of yourself and decorate your home or office space with a picture of your beautiful face. Let this printed photo of you be a reminder that you choose to love yourself at any stage. Don’t forget to update it from time to time.

If you braved the challenge, I’d love to hear your experience in the comment section below.

  1. Marcela says:

    I am sooo proud of you!, ❤️ YOUR PICKS.

    Never forget that : YOU IS SMART, YOU IS BEAUTIFUL, YOU IS IMPORTANT!!🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰

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